Tears and Fears

So I had a million and one things I wanted to talk about this week but I’ve decided to divert from all of that to talk about facing my fears. Before I start, I want to thank everyone who takes any time out to read this blog. I really didn’t think anyone would be interested in reading this at all so I am grateful for anything. Even if you’re a robot offshore.

This week has been filled with different challenges and I have tried to do everything I can to tackle the usual ones but also the ones that have crept up on me. Firstly, on Friday night my daughter got sick. With hindsight I now think it might have been from the MMR but nevertheless it caught us unawares. Arielle was up all night with a high fever and crying. It was only at 5 am that the vomiting started but luckily ended there and then. She then lay in mine and her dad’s arms limp and lethargic. Even In The Night Garden couldn’t work its usual magic. The whole sorry thing seemed to get better after traipsing all the way to the hospital in 28°. Upon arrival her appetite came back – as if by magic and things started to get back better slowly. Arielle is fine and will never remember this episode but for me it’s a first. As silly as it sounds, for months I had avoiding taking Arielle to groups etc because it was flu season, then it was chicken pox season and blah blah season. I was so worried about her catching a tummy bug because all these Guardian articles had suddenly appeared on my news feed about DEHYDRATION and I out 2 + 2 together and got 10 and suddenly everything resulted in death. Now we have been through it and have come out with a whole new level of sleep deficit but we’ve survived it.

Sort of leading on from that, I decided to stop making excuses for not going to baby groups. I buckled up, got us ready for 9.30 am sharp and took us to a local group. I seemed to have developed social anxiety around meeting other mums. This probably wasn’t helped by the time that I went to the baby feeding cafe and the group leader kept calling me ‘sweetheart’ but no one else. To be clear, she wasn’t coming on to me- just thought I was a teenager. Anyhow, I got over my baby group fear and we are both better off for it. This time no one thought I was 12, and Arielle got to have a proper run around. Smiles all round.

This week I have both been pushed and pushed myself to the limits anxiety wise. I have faced up to my fears and realised that Arielle would bounce back after being ill and that no one thought I was ‘too young’ to attend a baby group. I have also applied for some jobs and haven’t been told to F off yet. All is good.

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